A bit of a funk

I have had a rough few weeks. You know what they say, when it rains, it pours. Oyyy!

My stress load has been a combination of financial issues, frustrations with my job, cramming in studying for exams and trying to get my physical fitness back in gear after my surgery recovery. It’s been quite a load to handle.

In addition to everything going on in my life I’ve had some horrible body image issues lately. I just haven’t been feeling that good about myself. You know the feeling, when you just can’t shake it? I can’t even put a finger on exactly why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling… but I know I don’t like it. I don’t feel strong, healthy or fit. I feel out of shape and lazy. I’m trying to get a handle on things, but it’s taking me forever! After a 20 min bike ride around the neighborhood my knee is hurting the rest of the day. After 30 min fast-walking on the treadmill (yes walking–jogging or running puts me in extreme agony) and I am sore as can be the next day. What is going on body!? Get it together! Pull yourself into shape and suck it up and  move on already. Endure the pain and toughen up! I cram these thoughts into my head and say them over and over again until I sound like a broken record.

In addition to struggling a bit physically, I keep making excuses for myself mentally. I find reasons over and over again to not go to yoga or ride my bike… I feel like I have an all or nothing attitude. I know I can’t do it well, so why bother doing it? I can’t push myself into my postures like I used to or ride my bike hard enough to get my heart rate up high, so why even bother? I try to remind myself I just had a very invasive knee surgery 2 months back. I need to be patient with my body and allow myself to get back into fitness from the very beginning. But it feels like I’m starting from scratch and my body has to relearn everything. It’s not just physically challenging but even more mentally challenging.

I’m really struggling. 

I know it’s okay to struggle, but I’m a perfectionist and it’s something that I have difficulty with. I know it’s okay to fail at something and have to try all over again. It’s okay to go back to the beginning…

But why do I feel like this?

LoL. Okay I loved Monopoly growing up. I can’t help it if my struggles remind me of a board game. teehee.

But, the good news is… today is my birthday. Another year older. Another year wiser… another year closer to 30… eeeps! I look at my life and the people in it, and what I’m struggling with on a daily basis, and the truth is…

The truth is I’m so incredibly grateful, in so many ways, for all of it. And I need to remind myself that once and awhile.

Happy birthday to me. I love you blog readers and friends, thanks for sticking around! :)

~ Peace, Love & Veggies xo

Comments

  1. Kudos on being so honest in this post. I know what it feels like when you dont want to exercise since you know it wont be a good workout. You’ll just end up feeling worse about yourself, right? WRONG – change your thinking. Instead, think of it as “maybe I didnt get my heart rate up, but it was better to go for a slow jog or walk than to sit on the couch and not do anything.” It’s ALWAYS better to move your body than to sit around, so think of it like that. Think of it as doing something good for yourself – just for trying.

    If you can change the way you think, and get out more, even if it’s just for a little while, you’ll be building up strength again and you’ll be feeling less lazy. GOOD LUCK!!

    • Thank you so much for your encouraging words lady! It means so much to me. I definitely need a bit of an attitude change and I have realized that. I hate having that “all or nothing attitude” and I need to remind myself of that saying “You’ll never regret getting up and sweating, but you’ll always regret NOT doing it…”
      Soo true!! I’m taking baby steps :)

  2. HAPPY BIRTHDAY First and foremost!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’ve been through A LOT, your BODY has been through A LOT. We’ve all been there at one point or another……..just remember that you will get (back) there! When I am in that mood, I try to remember how I will probably regret NOT going for a run, instead of regretting doing it, albeit slowly. I also remember how if I just stick with it, eventually, I will see myself back to where I was. I struggled with this quite a bit after running my first marathon.. I ran 26.2 miles at once, so 3 miles should be EASY PEAZY! Right? WRONG. But, here I am feeling better than ever about my running capabilities because I stuck through those rough times of negative talk.. and I can remember exactly where I was on that run where I had that discussion with myself :) It sucks at times, but only gets easier and happier!

    Instead of thinking how you CAN’T do certain things just yet, think about what you ARE doing! You are an amazing, strong, fit woman and you SO GOT this!

    • Thanks girlie! It was a fabulous birthday indeed! Thank you so much for the kind words, I appreciate it so very much that you take the time to leave me such sweet and encouraging comments :) I remember reading this comment on my phone last week and it put a HUGE smile on my face!! Plus I know you are a true athlete, and I appreciate your point of view!!! Even hardcore athletes have tough days I’m sure!!! I’m getting there slowly but surely. If I can get past the mental barriers I know I’ll be on the right track!!!

  3. happy birthday, and feel better soon! x
    Fran from vegansmarties recently posted..A Barventure: The Mariani HoneyBarMy Profile

  4. Michelle says:

    Happy birthday!!! Sorry you’re not feeling quite your strong and healthy self :( We all go through these phases of just feeling blahhhh. I really understand. It takes time and patience, and I know you know that! Just hang in there. In a week, maybe that 30 minute bike ride will be just a little less hard, in two weeks maybe you’ll even go out for 45 minutes, in a month maybe your knee pain will have really subsided. Just keep going slow and steady, and try not to have an all or nothing mentality. These little funks happen, but they’ll pass. Chin up, buttercup :) Spring is almost here! Sunshine and warm weather always bring a little cheer and happiness!

    • Thank you so much for your optimism! You are so right, baby steps are important! Even if it’s adding a little bit more and pushing a little bit harder, I know that it will get me there eventually! Thanks for the kind words girl!!!

  5. Happy birthday!!!
    We all get in funks like that. I’m sure things will turn around soon. Just give yourself time and try not to stress about it too much. Take a moment each day to remind yourself that you are amazing, because you are!
    Michele (Veg Who Hates Tofu) recently posted..Every Day with Rachel RayMy Profile

    • Thank you so much Michele! It was a fabulous birthday and I was spoiled rotten by my loved ones :) I’m trying to get out of this funk and to be honest this week has been a lot better, but the key is to change my attitude and that’s what I’m working on most of all. Thanks for the sweet words :)

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  1. [...] you all for your sweet comment on my “In a funk” post. I appreciate it more than you know. Sometimes all it takes is a few encouraging words! [...]

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