Blackbird fly, into the light of the dark black night

Well hello there blog land! I thought you deserved an update, since I’ve been in a bit of a blogging funk lately. I told myself I’d be blogging like crazy through my knee surgery recovery, and yet I’ve found myself busy with other things. Back in school, a bucket-load of work piled on me, and sleeping way more than usual have taken up a majority of my time. Ok, in all honesty I should probably add Netflix and spending time with my amazing man to the list, but hey, who’s counting? I’ve officially finished all the seasons of Gossip Girl, Law & Order SVU & Bones… and started on One Tree Hill and Dexter. As for books, I’m about halfway through The Help, and I’ve also spent a handful of hours bookmarking recipes on some of my favorite blogs, cookbooks and Pinterest finds. So as you can see, my days have been full!

Overall, my recovery is going well. I’ve been walking hobbling without crutches for a few days now and I’m gradually gaining back strength in my knee. Actually, my recovery has been pretty phenomenal. Last time I had this surgery I remember spending a solid two weeks in bed before even making the transition to crutches. This time, it’s been just over two weeks and I’m walking around without crutches! Perhaps it’s my healthy vegan diet and hardy immune system going into overdrive to repair my body. Combine that with some strong will and determination, and you’ve got a miracle recovery in the making! My doctor was shocked beyond words at my last appointment, and I’m hoping to impress him again tomorrow! :)

Despite the good news, I’ve still had some emotional setbacks. It’s difficult to feel so helpless. For the past few weeks I’ve had to rely on others to help me with everything–getting to the restroom, bathing, cooking me meals, checking in on me, fetching me pillows and blankets, helping me walk, taking me to class and my doctor’s appointments, helping me with my exercises, getting me in and out of the car, etc. It’s almost overwhelming. I didn’t realize how much I craved my independence until a few days ago.  I’m just ready for this to be over and done with, so I can move on to some degree of normal again. And let’s be honest, I’m sick of TV and laying around all day, I want to do the things I love again! In the past few days I found myself even snapping at the people I love most, out of frustration and helplessness. But it takes a strong person to understand and realize the feelings they are going through, and to grasp ahold of those feelings and make sense of it all. I have to remind myself that I’m going to have good days and bad days; and sometimes it pays to step back and look at the big picture, because surely there is a light or a rainbow at the end. Each day I get stronger, more stable, and more confident. Each day my body heals itself a bit more, and I try to move forward.

My dad used to sing this song to me when I was a little girl, and it always gave me a sense of peace and comfort. His voice was so soft and mellow, while he strummed on his acoustic guitar. Back then my problems consisted of fighting with my brothers over who gets to read the bedtime story out loud, or agonizing with my mother over how I deserved to have a new pink basket on my bike. Kinda wish I could go back to those days! But sometimes I think of this song when I’m feeling out of control, stressed or trapped in my head.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

-Blackbird, by the Beatles

Me at age 5, with my two lil brothers

2 comments

  1. Brooke says:

    Heheehee, what a cute picture at the end of your post! And I love that song, and the Beatles. AND that you are recovering SO NICELY!! I bet it’s hard to have to rely on people for everything, but you’ll get back to your regular, active, DIY self before you know it!!

  2. Lindsay says:

    Thanks Brooke! That’s one of my fav pictures from when I was little. I’ll never forget all of the Beatles and Johnny Cash songs my dad sang to us kids. To this day classic rock is my favorite! I’m hanging in there but I can’t wait to get back my independence!! :)

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